I took this picture this afternoon as the sun was starting to go down. It was so funny to watch Madison's face as she watched her shadow on the wall move. She didn't know weather she should laugh or cry!
I used to love this time of year as the weather turned cool. Now, I find myself sinking into this depression as fall is here and winter is quickly approaching. Winters are so brutal on I-Cell children. Last year was the first fall we went through with the knowledge of what Madison had. I had just joined the support group on facebook. I was not emotionally prepared for what all happened last year. In the small I-cell community we lost, I believe, 6 children, in a 4 month time frame. Three of those children I hadn't gotten to be pretty close to. The reality of what we are up against really hit home.
Today, I had myself a pity party. I was asking God why we had to go through this? Why did he have to choose my daughter to have this disease. I hate that Madison isn't able to go and do like healthy children can. It breaks my heart for her. After voicing my anger to God, I finished praying. Shortly after that, I had such a peace in my heart. Why not us? As hard as this journey is, I thank the Lord that Madison was born into our family. It breaks my heart even more to know that she could have been born into a family who would not have cared for or loved her the way we do.
I am constantly reminded of this when I go out and see parents who talk horribly to their children and just don't care for them AT ALL. That is why Madison was born into our family. I would not trade anything for the joy and happiness she has brought to us. Not only us, as our family, but friends and people whom we have never met. As a Christian, I just wish I could touch as many people as our precious Madison has.
I know I will have these pity parties every now and then, and that's okay. I know that the Lord hears my cries. I know that Madison will one day be healed of this disease, whether it be on earth or heaven, and I will always praise his name because I know His will was done.
Wow....nothing like a good cry before I go to bed...you talking about why you guys and then turning it into why not you guys reminds me of something similar I read in a book recently called "Crazy Love!" Your blog/insight and prayers that you share are so wonderful to read...thank you for sharing w/ all of us! Keeping ya'll in my prayers daily!
ReplyDeleteAmen ! God has given us these precious i-cell babies to love and help change the strength and perspectives of those around us. I wholeheartedly agree with your thoughts and next time you want to throw yourself a pity party, please call me and we can both open a bottle of wine and just chat away on the phone about our angels on earth :)
ReplyDeleteI am a few days behind so I am playing catch up ... but it's good I read this tonight, and not yesterday or the day before. Addison had Croup over the weekend and we are still having to wake up and do breathing treatments. We both are sleep deprived and I've been so stressed out today because I'm tired, my house is a mess, she won't take a nap, she wants to be held, she doesn't want to be held, she wants to strip down naked and poop on the floor instead of her potty and then pull clean folded clothes out of the basket ... and I could just scream ... but then I read this and now I am crying. It's a good cry and I needed the slap in the face, I am crying mostly because I am ashamed, I should be thankful (not upset and stressed out)that my naked, poo-covered baby is running around the house making a mess for me to clean up after her. Shame on me!
ReplyDeleteWe love you and Madison so much, thank you for sharing her stories!
I know how you feel, because all we, ML parents went trough the same. But, all we are so thankful to have this angels at home, and happy to can share with other ML children around the world.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless you,